Diving Into The Deep Blue

Looking for Hotel or Resort in Phuket.
Any recommendation?
Thanks!

追

You want to meet and talk.
You want a proper closure.
The human heart.
is ever so self-serving.

Many want to know the details.
They are shocked.
At my rage and disappointment.
All these years they have known me,
they have not seen.
My refusal to even listen to your voice or seeing you,
stems from a very broken heart.

For you have single-handledly destroyed what we built,
and what I planned for our future.

You dream of having a small pad.
One which you can call your own,
I saved.

You dream of a career transition,
one from pushing a cart,
to one which I can put on a flying pin
and proudly call you Captain oh my Captain.
I saved.

You dream the day when your loved one can send/pick you up from the airport,
To see the joy and the bliss on your face.
I saved.

I scrimp and save.
Shelving my own.
Nevermind about the materials.
Because there was a future.
There was a goal.
Or so I thought.

I thank you.
For breaking these dreams and plans so effortlessly.
First, by sms.
The last, by msn.
I deserve better.
Even if it is just a breakup.

How do I and how can I ever fathom,
the one whom I loved so dearly,
take this so lightly,
and to smash a future so quickly.

What were your plans for us.
Your bags and designers, perhaps.
I never ask.

You broke my heart.
When I said so, I mean so.
You will never know the pain.
NO, I mean NO.
if you want to understand,
if what you saw at PLAY pained and angered you.
Multiply it by a thousand times.
is just merely a faction of what I feel.

Leave me alone.
And let me be.
Because it's time,
To love myself, again.
To be myself, again.

And may I add,
the Human Heart,
is self serving.

An unintended heart and the noblest intention inflict the most.
Because it knows no limit,
Therefore,
it cut the deepest.

The human hearts.
You never know.
There is a reason why I distance from it years ago.
Call it self-defence.
In a span of days, I've seen hearts of odds and sizes, shapes and colors.
Some came warm and sincere.
Some came bright and cheery
Whereas some came masked.

To Uncle Marc, Shao Ann and Tin,
Thanks for the sincerity.
You keep me sane.
You have proved,
there is still hope.
That your love is for a friend, as a friend.
And to friends who sent your messages.
I thank you for your care and concern.

As for hearts who came masked, I say to you.
There is no gossip you can gather.
And there is no vulnerability you can take advantage of.
Because this is the worst kind.
To inflict a wounded with another.
I will be fine.

And so I shall set forth.
To pick up my steps.
I walk.
With a smile.

I have treated you fair, just and with, love.
Your tears and pleads, I heard.
It's a child's game to you.
Of losing and not getting it back.
I have warned you once and you done it twice.
You broke my heart. It will take time to heal.
I laughed. How easy and careless of you.
Your clothes and belongings have been washed and packed.
Come collect yourself.
Cos I don't owe you a living.

I smiled and I will do so, whenever I see you again.

ps I: As for your constant monthly supply of health supplements and birdnests (ah yes, I love you stupid enough to even buy you one more month, And I guess you shall not need it with all your freaking stupid nonsenses and insecurities)

ps II: Pls don't make me laugh big time about your sacrifices because I have yet to make (and I don't intend to) the calculations of the paid overseas trips, gifts and local spendings. It's very high maintenance to have a trolly dolly partner, now I know.

ps III: Of course, the financial sacrifices is nothing compare to the emotional damages you have done - priceless.

ps IV: As for the huge sum I put aside in the seperate account for our 2nd house and car (yes, this is how much I am willing to do for you, and our future), I'm glad I adopted a wait-and-see attitude.


With regards to you, this will be my last post. Typing this and pondering over you is really, a waste of time. Now you know why I refused to answer any of your calls or reply to your sms-es and msn-es.

To think you have the audacity to threaten me again? Twice with break-ups and now? I given you everything with unconditional love. And what have you shown me so far? You have not seen what I am make of. I didn't survive from nothing on nothing. Come, and I'll take you on, face-to-face. To deal with your immaturity is a small feat.

It's over, so stop your child's game.

If you think you can get to me through my friends, think again.

And to that bestest friend of yours, Mr Ong who have been dropping hints and telling you things yet presenting me a different story all these while. Thanks for making me learn. Learning from the best, nevertheless. The best. *smiles*

我的小时候　吵闹任性的时候　我的外婆　总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后　姥姥的歌安慰我　那首歌　好像这样唱的
天黑黑　欲落雨　天黑黑　黑黑

离开小时候　有了自己的生活　新鲜的歌　新鲜的念头
任性和冲动　无法控制的时候　我忘记　还有这样的歌
天黑黑　欲落雨　天黑黑　黑黑

我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人　我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞　被误解被骗　是否成人的世界背后　总有残缺
我走在每天必须面对的分岔路　我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭　让人觉得不满足　天空很大却看不清楚　好孤独

天黑的时候　我又想起那首歌　突然期待　下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理　早就唱给我听　下起雨也要勇敢前进
我相信　一切都会平息　我现在　好想回家去
天黑黑　欲落雨　天黑黑　黑黑

8 - Mother
A woman whom a child held dear walked out of the family overnight.
Plunging the household and boy's childhood an upheaval.
She went missing for 8 eight years.
Only to appear with a terse firm NO when asked if she would want her child custody.
He weeped and walked.

18 - First Love
A sweet innocent girl bid her young lover goodbye and vanished without a trace suddenly.
Pluzzed, and hurt for a long time.
The young learned about the girl's passing and her hereditary condition.
He swear by tears night after night.
He dried his tears and walked on.

28 - Aunt
A hysterical tai-tai chased a man out of her mansion.
Mad that he stood on his grounds for once and refused to take sides in a domestic disagreement.
It was an outright bully, he thought.
Threatened to repay the college fees owed to her,
she showed him the gates and vowed never let him into the house.
The man's respect and tolerance for the fiery one stopped at the wee hours in that fateful morning.
The money returned 3 months later and never set foot in compound since.
He walked on.

All these years,
the heart has grown strong.
Silent.
It deserves better.
It should.

32 - Not A Boy But Not Yet A Man
Despite constant reassurance and communications.
Insecurity a bottomless pit.
Never easy to fill.
Never quite enough.
Twice, the man's heart was taken lightly.
It should be treated with love.
Not rage nor threat.
And so, he set forth.
With a smile.
He walked.